I saw myself lurking with sadness;
traveling to space of thousand thoughts.
I felt the misery I dwell a long time ago;
the battle of insolence and passiveness.
My alter deep self began to arise;
finding the happiness I once felt,
asking for a little kindness and love.
I began failing my strong ego again.
It felt like being isolated in a place that weakens me.
From ice to storm to death,
every words I hear from people stabs my inner soul.
Nobody understand the things I utter.
I fought back and held back again.
I will not be missed I could tell.
The responses I got are egocentric
but all I want is sensitivity.
I gave my silence, love and care.
I tried opening but thorns are all over that fence.
How can I please people who thinks I’m stupid?
who thinks I am always wrong?
They say respect should be earned.
but how if there are no chances to grab?
All you could gain are judgements.
Its hard to earn something they don’t want you to have at the first place.
Even your efforts doesn’t matter.
The things you have achieved wasn’t good enough.
It’s exhausting to live in an environment
where they always rationalize all the things you are doing or feeling;
small or big details using their one-sided mindset.
Even your happiness are rationalized and judged negatively
using the same standards from their narrow world.
You could sense a superiority and inferiority relationship in that competitive world.
My smiles fade away far from what I wanted to wear.
I don’t belong to this kind of world.
It becomes toxic when your happiness is not inclined to their own.
I wanted to go somewhere where I could achieve mutual understanding.
I wanted to finally let go of suffering.
It’s hard to be compassionate to people who needs it
when you yourself is begging for compassion from people
who thinks it’s just a disadvantage to their egocentric beliefs.
I believe that the more I stay,
the more I could become one of them;
someone that I don’t want to because I know it would just hurt people
And, I don’t want to hurt people.
I want to extend my hands.
and tell them that it’s okay to spread compassion.
I know how it felt to have no one who listens.
I have been alone from my childhood years
dwelling on the pain I am feeling;
trying to be passive, thinking it would help ease the tension.
Unfortunately, it will just hurt you even more
when you try to open up but they will just
make you feel very sad in return instead of relief;
there’s no mutual understanding.
There’s nothing wrong with being compassionate.
It is not a weakness.
That sensitivity is not immaturity too.
I would rather be a sensitive empath
than an insensitive narcissist.
It’s weird when people feel satisfaction scolding who is in deep pain.
It’s weird when people blame someone who is suffering from depression.
It’s weird to meet people who blame victims of suicide.
It’s weird to listen to people who says its their fault to die.
But, what if?
those who suffered with their mental health had someone to talk to?
What if someone motivated them instead of criticizing them negatively?
What happens if you are the sole reason why they wanted to live?
What happens if you are the only person who stand by them throughout their storms in life?
Compassion produces understanding.
Compassion produces longterm love.
Compassion produces happiness.
If we will spread power instead of compassion
then we will just breed more hatred instead.
I want to tell you that
It’s super okay to spread compassion.